Vakarian without Shepard
by katznhund
Summary: Six glimpses into Garrus' life after the Reaper War and the effect his relationship with Shepard has on it now she's gone. Spoilers: this is based on an alt ending. Previous FemShep/Garrus.


**A/N: Spoilers for Ending! **- This fic assumes an alt ending where Shepard dies, the Reapers are destroyed and the relays are in tact.

**Vakarian without Shepard  
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Garrus absently ran his thumb over the familiar raised letters of the cool metal. He was sitting on the small balcony of his new home on Palavan. Everything around him was new: the roads, the buildings, the plants, and young animals. Life was beginning to return to the once burning planet. His father sat down silently next to him. Garrus had been so lost in his thoughts he hadn't even heard the door open. How long had he been there? Garrus closed his fist protectively around the old dogtags.

"The moment I met your mother," his father started, his voice slow and hesitant, "I knew she was special. I realized my life would never be complete without her." The elder Vakarian cleared his throat. "I know I wasn't around much when you and Solana were growing up but..."

"You loved us. I know."

"I think about her every day. I wish I could tell you the pain goes away. I'm sorry Garrus, I'm sorry Shepard..." He stopped and paused a moment before continuing. "I would have liked to have met her."

"Thanks, Dad," Garrus looked over at his father. "She'd have liked to meet you too."

* * *

><p>"Ah, Vakarian, there you are."<p>

It looked like another member of the Hierarchy wanted to introduce their daughter to him. He was beginning to wonder if there was enough alcohol to get him through this. He hated these annual parties celebrating the end of the Reaper War.

"I wanted to introduce you to my niece."

Great, they were branching out to other relatives now. Garrus gave her a formal handshake. "Pleased to meet you." She was as attractive as all the others paraded in front of him by hopeful families. In his younger days he would have been enjoying this immensely but things were different now.

"Did you hear about the recent edict the Hierarchy passed, encouraging our people to start families again?" This one didn't even have the decency to be subtle about it. The woman shifted her gaze to the floor though and began fidgeting nervously. "I think it's a testament to your hard work with the rebuilding efforts that they feel we can support an increase in population."

"Thank you, sir. I can't take all the credit though. It's taken everyone's cooperation to get this far."

"What are you plans now that reconstruction is well underway? Any thought of settling..."

"Garrus, I've been looking for you," a voice called from behind him. Thank the spirits it was Primarch Victus. "I'm so sorry to interrupt but we just received a message from one of the new colonies and they need to consult with you."

"Of course, Primarch." He turned to his guests. "Forgive me but duty calls. It was a pleasure speaking with you." He shook their hands again and politely waited while Victus ushered them away. The Primarch glanced over his shoulder and motioned his head towards a nearby exit. Garrus nodded his thanks then slipped out into the night. He'd have something nice delivered to the Primarch's office tomorrow.

* * *

><p>Garrus stared at the financial figures for the Turian Fleet laid out in front of him. There was a surplus of funds that need to be allocated. Some wanted to use them to return to their former military might. Others wanted to continue to focus on the rebuilding efforts and reclaiming colonies lost during the invasion. <em>Shepard, what should I do? <em>It was a thought that crossed Garrus' mind almost every day. Years ago he realized he began thinking of Shepard as his personal spirit, a guardian angel as the humans would say.

This was true of many species now. The turians considered her one of their spirits, to the humans she was an unofficial saint, even the krogan thought of her alongside their greatest battlemasters. But they all believed in _Commander Shepard_, the almost mythical being who sacrificed herself to save the rest of the galaxy. His Shepard was Jane Marie Shepard. Marie. Merr. He never faced a problem without asking for her guidance, never celebrated a triumph without thanking her, and never had a drink without silently toasting her, wherever she was now.

* * *

><p>His head swam as he reached for the bottle of wine. Empty. It was probably for the best.<p>

She'd said no to the first bottle of wine he'd brought her. Said she wanted a clear head for the fight and for him. The second bottle was another story though. They'd made it back through the relay, everyone was alive, and she'd told The Illusive Man to go to hell.

He stumbled back to his bedroom, running a hand along the wall to help him balance. Had so many years really passed since that first night? Sometimes it seemed like it was part of another lifetime. Other times he could swear it just happened. And at times like this, it felt like both.

That was the night it all began. For that moment they were carefree and nothing mattered except each other. She was the best friend he'd ever had, he'd have done anything for her. Hell, he still would. His nervousness and awkwardness melted away when she touched his face. Her delicate fingers tracing his paint, his fringe, his mandibles, the tips ghosting over his scar. They both knew there was no turning back. Whatever the future held, they would face it together.

Garrus stripped off his clothes and fell into his disheveled bed. What was the point of making the bed everyday when you were they only one using it?

She was so soft with her pale smooth skin. It was the first time he'd touched her with his bare hands. He had been so worried about hurting her with his talons but Shepard didn't care. They stayed that way for a long time, both exploring the other's alieness. It was a slow and thoughtful dance that transitioned them from friends to something more. She was the most beautiful creature in the universe and he never wanted to be parted from her again.

All those nights they spent together, his arm wrapped around her, trying to protect her from the galaxy. He could almost feel the familiar indentation of her waist. The smell of her soap lingered in the air. Wisps of hair brushed against his face. "Marie," he sighed and pulled the crumpled sheets closer.

* * *

><p>"Uncle Garrus! Uncle Garrus!," his niece and nephew shouted as they ran towards him. He liked it much better than 'Primarch Vakarian'. He bent down and opened his arms giving them both a big hug.<p>

"Momma says you knew Shepard."

He looked up at Solana standing in the distance. She shrugged and gave him a smile. "She's right, I did."

"What was she like? Was she really as tall as a krogan?"

"Did she really take down a Reaper using only a pistol?"

"Could she see through walls?"

Garrus couldn't help but chuckle. "No, Shepard looked like any other human, she didn't have any superpowers, and while we did take down a few Reapers it took a lot more than just a pistol."

"I wanna hear about killing a Reaper."

"Me too."

"Alright." Someday, when they were older, he would tell them about who Shepard really was. The complicated woman and the hard choices she faced. He would make sure someone would remember the truth. But for now he settled for something simpler. "The krogan home world, Tuchanka, was under Reaper assault. We were on our way to cure the genophage when a thresher maw attacked. That gave us an idea."

* * *

><p>Someplace nice and tropical. That's where he'd told her they'd go when it was all over. He'd spent most of his life serving the Hierarchy. The best years he'd given to Shepard though. Not that the rest had been bad, they'd just seemed empty. His generation had fought the Reapers and laid the foundations for a new galactic society. What happened now was up to the next one. He gladly relinquished his influence when he stepped down as Primarch.<p>

He hadn't planned on returning to Palavan and spending the rest of his life there. Now that he had the freedom to leave he didn't know where to go. Perhaps he would get rid of most of his belongings and travel. Visit what was left of the old crew one last time. See the Normandy again in her fancy new museum. Just another old soldier out for one last victory cruise. But then he would settle down somewhere out of the way where he could watch the stars at night. Yes, someplace nice and tropical would be just fine.


End file.
